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The Abbott & Costello Upgrade

Posted on September 14, 2005 By Tom No Comments on The Abbott & Costello Upgrade
General Technology

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who’s on First?" might have turned out something like this:
 
 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking
about buying a computer.
 
ABBOTT: Mac?
 
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
 
ABBOTT: Your computer?
 
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
 
ABBOTT: Mac?
 
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
 
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
 
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
 
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
 
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
 
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
 
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
 
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
 
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
 
ABBOTT: Office.
 
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
 
ABBOTT: I just did.
 
COSTELLO: You just did what?
 
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
 
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
 
ABBOTT: Yes.
 
COSTELLO: For my office?
 
ABBOTT: Yes.
 
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
 
ABBOTT: Office.
 
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
 
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
 
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?
 
ABBOTT: Word.
 
COSTELLO: What word?
 
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
 
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
 
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
 
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
 
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
 
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue "w" if you don’t start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
 
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
 
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
your business. Just tell me what I need!
 
ABBOTT: Real One.
 
COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4.
Can I watch them?
 
ABBOTT: Of course.
 
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
 
ABBOTT: Real One.
 
COSTELLO: OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I
do?
 
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
 
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
 
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
 
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
 
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
 
COSTELLO: What word?
 
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
 
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
 
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world.
 
COSTELLO: It is?
 
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
 
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
 
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn’t even part
of Office.
 
COSTELLO: STOP! Don’t start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
 
ABBOTT: Money.
 
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
 
ABBOTT: Money.
 
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
 
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
 
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
 
ABBOTT: Money.
 
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
 
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
 
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
 
ABBOTT: One copy.
 
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
 
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
 
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
 
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
 
 
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
 
ABBOTT: Click on "START"…

 

I normally hate forwarding or posting jokes from e-mail, but I had to make an exception for this one. Thanks, Roxann!

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