Interesting what an innocent-looking clump of daffodils can do. They look so sweet and innocent, but in me they used to trigger major panic attacks. That’s the funny thing about triggers. You never know what or when something will set you off.
I say “used to.” I’ve been taking lots of photos of daffodils lately with my time-lapse projects, and I don’t seem to have had any problems this year. It used to be that the appearance of daffodils meant the year was getting on. That also meant that I had to start getting proposals ready for summer projects. That meant purchasing anywhere from 500-1000 computers, arranging for their delivery and installation, and getting ready for any other major upgrades, installations, or whatever that had to be done over the summer. Often, if it got to this point and I hadn’t already begun this process, I was behind the curve. Worse yet, I either had to have managed my budgets so that I could get these things done with the previous year’s money, or submit budgets and HOPE that the board approved them in time to pay for the project.
It’s now been over six months since I retired. There is still the weirdness of not getting up every Monday morning to go to work. Snow days were like any other day, except there was white stuff on the ground and everything was closed. But, most importantly, I don’t worry anymore. These triggers don’t affect me as they used to.
There were others…
July 4th – As much as I wanted to enjoy the holiday, it was just an indication that the summer was mostly over. School would be starting back soon, and there would be an onset of panic that things wouldn’t get done in time. Back to school ads did the same thing.
Passing ANY school – It didn’t matter if it was one of my schools or some other districts. Just casually passing by a school would induce panic. I’d think about everything that needed to be do.
…but, those days are over. I haven’t worried about these things since I left. However, even though the panic is gone, I remember the triggers. I’m sure they, too, will fade.
Daffodils triggered in me the fear that I couldn’t capture the stem along with the flower, meaning the bloom would appear to float in mid-air. The other trigger was that the bright bloom would over-expose on inferior sensors or, previous to that, on film. Lighting was an important consideration. Those triggers still get me – set me off – make my mid-winter flower safari a risky venture. But someday my cameras will die, and then the triggers will fade away. 🙂